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Tyrian Callows VS The Joker
Tyrian Callows VS The Joker is a what-if episode of Death Battle. It features Tyrian Callows from RWBY and The Joker from DC Comics. Description Two violent villains with a taste for loony laughter, incurable insanity, big blades, and powerful poisons. How will the Jester of Genocide fare against Salem's scorpion? Prelude Boomstick: You know, Wiz, a lot of the combatants in this show haven't been, well, well. In the head. Wizard: Very true. Insanity is often the key to unpredictability and intimidation. And none do it better than these two violent villains. The Joker, the Clown Prince of Crime, Boomstick: And Tyrian Callows, RWBY's fearsome Faunus. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick. Wizard: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE! The Joker Wizard: As long as there has been the Batman, there has also existed the Joker. This crazy clown has always been the Dark Knight's greatest foe. Boomstick: He's so crazy that he doesn't even know his own backstory. No one else does, for that matter. He could have been anything from a failed comedian to a petty criminal. But there's no denying what he is now: scary. Wizard: The Joker is armed to the teeth with gadgets and toys, ranging from pistols and machine guns to dynamite and bazookas. Boomstick: Come on, Wiz. Tell 'em about the toys they really want to hear about. Like the sharpened chattering teeth, razor sharp playing cards, an acid-spewing joke flower, and an electric hand buzzer... that buzzes things to death! Wizard: Right. He also has a cane sword, explosive pies, grenades, crowbars, bomb balloons, and his most lethal weapon... the Joker Venom. This toxin is so deadly that it took out all the main members of The Justice League, including the likes of Superman and Wonder Woman. Because of his exposure to the toxin, he has not only developed immunity to it, but also most other kinds of poisons and venom as well. Boomstick: The Joker is a mastermind in the fields of chemistry, physics, art, manipulation, and strategy. He can make plans so complex and intricate that he can fool the likes of Superman, Batman, and the Flash. Need I remind you that Superman and the Flash's brains function trillions of times faster than a normal human? Wizard: He's also insanely durable and take take hits from explosions, falling buildings, and god-like superheroes and villains on a daily basis. And, if push comes to shove, he can also fight hand-to-hand with deadly speed and strength. Boomstick: However, he's not invincible. Despite his apparent ability to constantly cheat death, he's still human. This means a well-placed bullet, blade, or spike can drop him for good. However, that's easier said than done for this Clown of Chaos. Joker: Madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little push. (Laughs) Tyrian Callows Wizard: The world of Remnant is full of monsters, criminals, and villains. The heroic Hunters and Huntresses must work night and day to defend civilization from these threats. One of these threats is the mysterious overlord Salem. Boomstick: Salem has armies of Grimm at her disposal, but she also has a faction of some of the most villainous and depraved minds to ever exist. The likes of which include Cinder Fall, Hazel Rainart, Dr. Arthur Watts, and the destructive and deadly Tyrian Callows. Wizard: Much like his opponent, Tyrian's past remains a mystery. How he got affiliated with Salem and her malicious goals is unknown. But one thing's for certain: he is not just a henchman. He worships Salem as a goddess and is forever loyal to her. Boomstick: I think I sense some romance here... Wizard: Eh, probably not. Anyway, Tyrian is a scorpion Faunus: his braid is actually a very long, poisonous stinger. The poison is potent and causes disorientation, hallucination, and eventually death. Boomstick: Awesome! Wizard: In combat, Tyrian relies on his telescoping wrist blades. Designed to resemble pincers, the blades are swift and easy to handle, allowing him to fight several opponents at once. If that wasn't enough, they also include double barrel machine guns in the gloves. Boomstick: Oh... I'm getting hard just thinking about those... Wizard: Uh... okay... too much information... Boomstick: Anyway, Tyrian is a master athlete that can jump large distances and dodge almost anything thrown at him. He can kick people so hard they go flying over twenty feet away. He's also really frickin' fast, able to sprint long distances and not get tired. He ran for miles and still had the power to fight and overpower five warriors when he reached them. Wizard: He's also highly durable and is able to withstand smashing through walls. This is most likely attributed to his Aura, a defensive barrier that anyone with a soul has, which can defend him from attack and heal minor wounds. His stinger alone is powerful enough to block several shots from Ruby Rose's sniper scythe and Nora Valkyrie's electric-charged hammer. Those are extremely powerful forces in the RWBY universe. Boomstick: On top of that, he would have almost defeated all of Team RNJR if Qrow Branwen had not interfered. Even then, he defeated Qrow by depleting his Aura and slashing him with his stinger. Wizard: But he's not perfect. His cocky attitude can often put him in situations that leave him exposed, and he often takes time to mock his enemies, giving them advantages. He also seems to have some ADHD, as little things can distract him and pull his focus away from original targets or goals. Plus, his Aura is not infinite and actually drains quite quickly if continuously hit. Boomstick: Still, this is one scary scorpion. Tyrian: Why, friend, my name is Tyrian. And I'm afraid that is not possible. My assignment from Her Grace was to retrieve this young girl. So, that is what I must do. One does not upset the Queen. Intermission Wizard: All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all. Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE! Fight The scene opens in a small village in the mountains. Several abandoned buildings lie scattered along the cobblestone streets and thin river running through the center of the town. The sky is dark and cloudy. A woman is seen cowering in an alley, panting. She is sweating and crying. She starts to run, then turns the corner, only to run into the Joker. She screams, and the Joker sprays her with gas. She swipes at the air, but begins giggling. She breaks out into a fit of creepy, crazed laughter, holding her head in her hands. Joker: Ah... music to my ears. This town had a good sense of humor! At least they did after I showed up. (Laughs) The woman keeps laughing until she abruptly stops. Joker: Hm? Joker looks to see the woman impaled through the chest by a large scorpion stinger. She falls over, dead, and Tyrian stands a ways behind her, his stinger extended. Tyrian: Hmm... you're one freaky-looking abomination. Joker: Why, thank you. So are you! Tyrian: Hehehe... say, you haven't seen a little girl in a red cloak come through here, have you, creepy? Joker: Maybe, maybe not. What's it to you? Tyrian: I must fetch her for my mistress Salem. Joker: Salem, eh? I think I've heard of her from stories. Some whack job with corpse face and a superiority complex, right? Tyrian gasps, and his expression turns sour. Tyrian (screaming): How DARE you insult our goddess! For that, you'll die! FIGHT! Tyrian activates his blades and lunges at Joker. Joker dodges, and Tyrian pierces the wall behind him. Joker pulls out a machine gun. Joker: All right, let's get wild! Joker fires, and Tyrian blocks all the shots with his stinger. He uses the stinger to smack the gun away from Joker and knock him back. Joker laughs as he falls, but immediately gets back up and pulls out a deck of cards. Joker: Pick a card, any card! Joker fans the cards out, then throws them at Tyrian. Tyrian jumps as the cards impale the wall he was just at, and somersaults up onto a low patio. He jumps back off, blades extended. He lands in front of Joker and slashes at him. The Joker takes cuts to his chest and legs, then is kicked back into the road. He giggles as he stands back up, and Tyrian rushes him. Joker pulls out a crowbar and blocks the blades. The two hold their weapons together, sparks coming off of them. Tyrian: I expected more of a fight! Joker: Uh-uh-uh. Not yet, love. The joke hasn't even been set up yet. Joker punches Tyrian in the face. Tyrian yells and skids back, and Joker smacks him in the face with the electric hand buzzer on. A jolt of electricity shocks Tyrian as the smack leaves his face. Joker: My mother! Joker backhands Tyrian's face. Joker: My sister! Joker continues slapping Tyrian and repeating “My mother!” and “My sister!”. Every other slap sends an electric shock into Tyrian. After a few more slaps, Tyrian blocks his slap and headbutts Joker. Joker falls back, and Tyrian wraps his braid around Joker's neck. He then picks the Joker up and throws him through a nearby garden wall. Joker laughs more as he gets up, coughing blood. Joker: Whoo! That was smashing! Tyrian lunges at Joker again, but Joker steps aside and creams Tyrian in the face with a pie. The pie has a lit fuse coming out the bottom. Joker: Enjoy! It's booms-berry! The pie explodes, and Tyrian is sent flying back into the road. Smoke bellows off his face, and he scowls. Then he grins sadistically again and activates his machine guns. He begins firing on Joker, who ducks behind the wall for cover. Tyrian begins circling around the wall, then jumps over it, still firing. As he jumps over, though, he sees too late the Joker holding a large bazooka. Joker: This will be a blast! Joker fires, and the rocket hits Tyrian and explodes. He falls into the river with a huge splash, his Aura depleted. Joker throws the empty bazooka aside and strolls over to the water. Joker: Now that's what I call a punchline. Suddenly, Tyrian bursts out of the water and tackles Joker. He carries him over the road and the garden and into a small house, which he smashes completely through, using Joker as a battering ram. As the two come out the other side, Tyrian throws Joker into a small tree, snapping it in half. Tyrian lands and observes Joker struggling to get up. Tyrian chuckles as his golden eyes turn purple and he lunges at Joker. As Joker stands up, the stinger implants itself firmly in Joker's left breast. Joker grunts while Tyrian laughs. Joker (wheezing and coughing): That's funny, Scorpio? Tyrian: It is to me. Joker chuckles as Tyrian steps closer. Suddenly, his fake flower shoots acid that splashes on Tyrian's braid and face. Tyrian screams and pulls his stinger away right before the acid eats away at it, causing it to fall off. He covers his face and writhes from the acid. Tyrian (screaming): YOU BASTARD!!! Joker laughs and runs at Tyrian with a knife. He slashes Tyrian's arms, legs, and torso before pulling out an air horn. He reaches out and positions the horn in front of Tyrian's covered face before pulling the trigger, causing the horn to go off and a cloud of green gas to be sprayed in Tyrian's face. Tyrian screams. Tyrian: Ah! What?! Tyrian pulls his hands away from his face to reveal that it is melting and deformed. He slashes Joker once more across the chest with his blade, knocking him down. Joker begins laughing uncontrollably. Then Tyrian begins giggling too. The two begin laughing maniacally, barely stopping to take breaths. Joker slowly stands up and walks over to Tyrian, still laughing. Tyrian falls to his knees and throws his head back, laughing uncontrollably. Joker pulls out a stick of dynamite and lights the fuse. Joker (in between laughs): Here, big boy. Have a farewell cigar! Joker sticks the dynamite in Tyrian's open mouth, but he doesn't seem to notice. Joker jumps away as the dynamite explodes, blowing up Tyrian's head and upper torso. The laughter abruptly stops as the rest of his body and arms fall, smoking, to the ground. Joker continues laughing as he gets back up again and slowly walks away, clenching his gut from laughter. K.O.! Joker continues laughing as he walks out of the village, and a horde of crows arrive to peck at Tyrian's corpse. Results Boomstick: That was so disturbingly awesome that I don't have a witty remark. Wizard: While Tyrian definitely had the upper hand in brute strength and speed, Joker outclassed him in arsenal and strategy. Boomstick: The Joker's smart, so he was able to figure out what he needed about Tyrian and was able to formulate a strategy, even if it meant getting beaten up while he was doing it. Wizard: And Joker could definitely take the punishment. He's been stabbed, shot, crushed, burned, everything, and he gets back up. Sure, Tyrian had Aura, but Joker's unpredictable weaponry was able to deplete that. Without his Aura, Tyrian was open to Joker's attacks. Boomstick: Heck, Joker deals with foes more powerful than Tyrian all the time, like Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Flash, and Robin. He knows how to take a beating, and how to overpower superpowered beings. Wizard: Joker knew how to play Tyrian right into his hands. Boomstick (imitating comments): But Boomstick, isn't Tyrian's poison still going to kill the Joker later? Wizard: Probably not. Joker's immunity to toxins is enormous, so he can probably take Tyrian's venom. After all, the only toxin that he's really died from before was an overdose of a potent, experimental steroid that turned him into a mutant. Tyrian's venom works much slower and would not have instantly harmed the Joker. Even if Joker was affected, he could quickly recognize the symptoms and cook up an antidote to something a simple as a scorpion sting. Boomstick: Looks like Joker got the last laugh. Wizard: The winner is the Joker. Next Time Boomstick: Next time on DEATH BATTLE... The screen pans along a futuristic city. Flashes of robots destroying things are seen. It then cuts to a cut scene from ''Super Smash Bros. Wii U of Mega Man jumping into the fray and fighting Mario, Donkey Kong, and Link. It then plays the cartoon opening theme as Mega Man jumps onto screen.'' Vocalist: Super fighting robot, Mega Man! Mega Man. Category:What-If? Death Battles Category:Completed What-If? 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